Vanilla by Billy Merrell

Vanilla by Billy Merrell

Review by Lauren

source: copy from ALA17; all opinions are my own

Official Summary (add on Goodreads): Hunter and Vanilla become boyfriends before they're even teenagers, and stay a couple even when adolescence intervenes. But in high school, conflict arises -- mostly because Hunter is much more comfortable with the sex part of sexual identity. As the two boys start to realize that loving someone doesn't guarantee they will always be with you, they find out more about their own identities -- with Hunter striking out on his own while Van begins to understand his own asexuality.

In poems that are romantic and poems that are heartbreaking, Vanilla explores all the flavors of the spectrum -- and how romance and love aren't always the same thing.

Review: I have such a hard time reviewing books that have controversy surrounding them because I'm not someone who wants to get enmeshed in all the drama. Regardless, here we go! This book is about Vanilla and Hunter who have been dating for years, but now that they are a bit older, Hunter wants to take the romance to a new level. It makes sense. I think most teenage boys have sex on the brain and Hunter really does love Vanilla. Where the controversy comes in for this is that Vanilla is asexual. Here's the thing though - Vanilla doesn't realize he's asexual until near the end of the book. This means that when Hunter is pushing for more, he doesn't realize that Vanilla isn't just nervous. He tells Vanilla that he'll want it eventually, because he isn't thinking "hey, my boyfriend might be asexual" and I can't blame him. It's not a sexuality widely talked about and I think this book shows that. I feel like it might have helped if Vanilla had applied asexuality to himself a little earlier in the story, but everyone's coming out experience is different. Sometimes you just don't know how to label your feelings, you know?

I was a little iffy on the names though - everyone has a bit of a nickname in the book, so you know, Vanilla isn't actually the kid's name. People have issue with this too because it makes it sound like Vanilla is only called that because his sexuality is so vanilla, but I feel like Hunter explains in the book that that's never why he called his boyfriend that. Also, the book is told in verse - and it's mostly Vanilla and Hunter's point of views - so that might make some aspects of the story difficult to really understand. Maybe aspects of the book are getting lost in translation, if you will. I don't know.

Obviously if the book upsets you, stop reading it, but I also know that some asexual men and women have reviewed the book in a positive manner so it's one of those "you do you" type of books. I liked it - though I almost wish it was a regular narrative and not in verse just because of the nature of the subjects talked about.